Numb
by brunettebabe71
Summary: So tonight's episode was very depressing. so i kind of wrote my own ending... Chlair! also B/S friendship B/D friendship B/N friendship and B/N friendship, kind of. Also I wrote this instead of going to bed, so please review!


Okay, so tonight's episode… so depressing. So yeah. I wrote this to cheer us up. Instead of going home to her mom, Blair wanders the streets… please please please please please review. This goes out to Skittles Nittles and of course EMMY!!! Lol. And all other reviewers!

Blair could feel her breath rush out of her. Suffocating. She'd just been hit with a sucker punch. Chuck wouldn't meet her eyes. She gracefully exited out, onto the cold bitter streets of New York. Everything was so damn cold and bitter. Even Chuck. Chuck wasn't supposed to be like this with her. Her one constant had just disappointed her. Disappoint wasn't even a strong enough word. Let down, dissatisfy, dishearten, disillusion, fail. Those were some other words that couldn't even compare to her heartbreak. He had just killed her. Murdered her along with his damn butterflies.

She's stumbling now. She doesn't even register that she's shaking. And even if she did. It wouldn't make a difference. How can she love herself if nobody else does? Blair never had self confidence, but when everybody else believes in you, it's easy to pretend. And that's when the tears hit. She feels numb but can't seem to stop the sobs escaping from her petite frame. People are looking at her now. She turns into the nearest store. It's some sort of grocery store. She starts walking, or more accurately, stumbling around. Nausea creeps in. Her hands are trembling as she grabs a bottle of aspirin. She takes it up to the front counter.

Chuck can't help but feel dreadful. He was truly heinous to Blair. And not in his usual, charming scumbag type of way either. He literally destroyed her. Purposefully. Twice. He hated himself. He took another swig of scotch. If he hated himself, he could only imagine how Blair must feel about him. He despised himself even more after that thought. Another swig. How he wanted to forget. But we wouldn't. He never would. Not when Blair was involved. He had wanted her to feel his pain. The stabbing of knives when she told him it was over, again. He wanted her to suffer. He got his wish. And it was true. You should be careful for what it is you ask, because he got it and felt absolutely miserable.

He hated her. He hated how he loved her. And he hated how he hurt her. The look on her face would have been unbearable, it was why he didn't meet her chocolate eyes. Why he had swirled around his brown poison. Ignoring his favorite death. She was killing him. And she didn't even try. And he killed her. On purpose. He was such a jerk. Sighing, he now gulped it down. And now she was suffering. He got what he wanted. But she was suffering and Nathaniel would likely never speak to him and she was suffering… he really should have thought this whole thing through. He had to make it okay. Okay for Blair. He hopped off the stool fast enough to knock it over. It didn't matter. He had a tab here. He burst out the doors and looked down the street. No Blair. Damn it.

Her feet begin to move again. The tears now frozen upon her porcelain skin. She felt like a broken china doll, utterly worthless. And she fell, quite literally into a restaurant. One that she knew well. She'd thrown up twice here. Twice when Nate had failed her, yet again. Twice had Chuck rescued her here. Sending Nate off and saving her. She barely made it to the table before collapsing. A waitress was by her in seconds.

"Miss Waldorf, we weren't expecting you! What would you like this evening?" the pretty waitress smiled at her. Blair soaked in her appearance. Long, thick red hair, with side swept bangs. Big green eyes that were truly happy. A nose with a slight bump. Freckles. Big pink lips. High cheekbones. A smile with too much gum. A sharp chin. But overall she was pretty. And she seemed sweet. Blair couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever been stomped on. Ever left for tomorrow's trash. Ever shredded to pieces. She wonder is she'd ever been hopelessly alone. She wonders if she would have stuck by Blair. Probably not.

"I'll have a champagne bottle. And a salad," Blair's voice sounded foreign to her own ears. Tired. Weak Vulnerable. Battered. Powerless. Desperate. Blair hated her voice at that exact moment. The waitress looked at Blair, concerned. She had heard about the feisty brunette. Even she knew this was out of character.

"Miss Waldorf, I'm sorry if I'm out of line… but are you alright?" the waitress asked, concern etched into every feature. Maybe she would have been loyal, had she been a friend of Blair's.

"I'm always fine. It's in my very nature. You're excused," Blair dismissed her with an airy wave of a hand. Thoughtless. Everything felt robotic, if she could feel. But she couldn't and so this was not an issue. The waitress scattered off. She returned with a bottle of champagne, giving Blair one last sympathetic look. Blair hated pity. She grabbed the bottle. Threw down some hundreds and left. As soon as she was out the door, she ripped off the cap of aspirin. She had such a headache or heartache or whatever. She wanted this to be over. She swallowed them all, with the help of the champagne. She made it to the apartment before things started to swirl. It didn't make a big difference. Everything else was spinning, why not her vision? Truth and lies. Fact and fiction. Love and hate. Betrayal and faithfulness. It was all the same. White and black spots blocked her vision as she rode the elevator up. She was just so tired. She entered her apartment as a drunk would. Tripping and stuttering. Nobody was home. With her mother on a date and Dorota at home. She made it to her room. She grabbed a pen and wrote one line, I have butterflies too. Before she dove ungracefully onto the bed. She grabbed the blankets around her. The fluffy pillows surrounding her. She pretended they were Chuck's warm body. She was so tired. She let herself drift off into an altogether much too peaceful sleep.

"Hello?" Serena's voice was not the airy one that she usually greeted everyone with.

"Hey Sis, it's me. Do you know where Blair is?" Chuck went right through the bullshitting, he wasn't in the mood.

"I was just about to call you to ask the same thing. We fought and…"

"You guys fought?"

"Yeah…"

"Fuck."

"What?"

"I told her she was basically useless."

"What?!"

"Hey, YOU'RE her best friend and you fought with her on the worse day of her life?! And you're yelling at ME?!"

"YOU'RE HER BEST FRIEND TOO, DIPSHIT!" Chuck was thrown slightly off by the cuss. So the old Serena was there? "Why do you think she always ran to YOU!? For your priceless advice? Honestly Chuck. Let's be reasonable! I can't believe you!"

"You can't believe ME?! I can't believe YOU!"

"Where the hell would she be?"

"I don't know, I'm heading over to her house right now."

"I didn't get an answer there."

"Well, you never know."

"Come on, it's Blair. She wouldn't be able to resist a phone call from anybody, especially right now."

"I guess you're right. But what if she's sleeping?"

"Chuck…""I know, she would have woken up. If she's home. She must be in really bad shape…" right then Chuck and Serena came face to face. Right outside the apartment.

"Ready?"

"Yeah." They walked in together. Hurriedly. Chuck felt hallow. Serena felt empty. Something was wrong. The elevators dinged open, unto Blair's penthouse. Serena shuddered. Chuck forced the bile back down his throat. It was dark. Pitch black. Blair was afraid of the dark. Serena thought it had to do with uncertainty. You could never be certain of what was in the dark. And Blair liked everything mapped out so nicely. Chuck was sure it had to do with control. She couldn't control what she couldn't see. She hated being out of control. Chuck was out of control. It was one of the reasons she refused to look at a future with him. Serena briskly made her way to the stairs, with Chuck on her heels. They got to the landing. Dread hung in velvet darkness. Death crushing upon them. the air was suffocating. Chuck ran to Blair's room. He flicked on the light. And there was Blair. She was so pale. Her china doll like skin looked like a pale blue. He rushed towards her. Picking up her limp body. Dead weight. His veins turned to ice, but she coughed. Relief flooded his body. Serena was gaping at him.

"CALL THE POLICE!" Chuck commanded. He sat on the bed. Cradling her body. Life was leaving fast. Serena quickly gave the address. She spotted the paper and crumpled it into her pocket. Her hands wavering. She called Dan. Her voice was shaky. She was one breath away from breaking. "It's going to be okay, Serena."

"How can you say that? She's dying, in your arms! She's dying in YOUR ARMS!" Serena broke into body shaking sobs.

"KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF! Get yourself together. She can probably hear you! And if she can, why would she want to come back to such a freaking mess?!" Chuck spat.

"You're not a mess," Serena knew that he was attacking her out of self hatred. She'd been there, done that. Paramedics suddenly burst through the room. Taking Blair from Chuck. The two followed quickly after. After what seemed like a second but a lifetime. They were slumped in cold plastic chairs in the waiting room. Chuck and Serena had never been the waiting type. They were soon restless. Serena had called Nate. He was the next to arrive.

"Chuck?" his voice announced his presence. Chuck flinched. He wasn't in the mood for another fight. Even though having the shit kicked out of him might be nice. 'Bring it on Nate, I deserve it.'

"Nathaniel," Chuck's voice was hoarse. Nate was abruptly by his side, hugging him.

"I'm so scared," only Nate would ever admit such a pansy thing. Chuck couldn't help but respect him for it. Chuck hugged him back.

"Me too," he was barely audible, and not quite sure he said it. But the look in Nate's eyes let him know.

"You love her," Nate stated, fact no questions about it fact, "and so do I. Only, I love her like I love my mom or dad or family or how I love you. You're in love with her. And she's in love with you. I can see it in her eyes." Nate smiled at him, "Life's too short Chuck. I'm not going to waste it being angry or bitter. Especially not to those I love the most. I guess I kind of got a taste of my own medicine, huh? And she didn't even cheat. And I forgive you. I mean, I'm still hurt, but I forgive you Chuck. You're my best friend. And she must have been worth a lot to you to give mine and her friendship. And I know it'll work out for you two. You're the prince she's been waiting for. And she's the perfect damsel for you to scheme with. And I know that now." Chuck looked at Nate in shock.

"Thanks man," Chuck managed to choke out. Serena smiled from across the room. She unwrapped the paper. She read it and handed it to Chuck and Nate.

"I don't get it…" Serena looked at their eyes, gouging their reactions. Nate looked equally as confused, but a smile graced Chuck's features.

"I told her I had butterflies…" Chuck smirked, "Who can resist the Bass charm?" Nate groaned and punched him in the arm. Serena swatted at him. The hospital door opened. They all looked up eagerly, for news of Blair. The doctor passed. They all felt disappointment surge through their veins. Dan appeared in the doorway, flustered. Serena flung herself towards him. He could make this all better.

"Oh Dan! I'm just so… I just don't get it!" she was now sobbing in his arms, "Why did I have to be such a bad friend? And when she needed me the most." Serena was practically choking on her tears. Jenny stood silently in the doorway. This was all her fault. If she hadn't told Nate about Chuck and Blair, he wouldn't have yelled at Chuck. Chuck wouldn't have shunned Blair. Blair would be plotting against them all. And that was better than her being six feet under. They all needed a queen, and not just any queen, they needed their very own Queen B. Serena spotted her first.

"What are you doing here?" Serena's voice was frosty. Ice seemed to stream from her mouth. Blair would've been proud.

"Serena…" Nate was about to stop her. But Dan intervened.

"Serena's right Jenny. You of all people, shouldn't be here. Last time you were somewhere you shouldn't have been, this is what happened," Dan turned back to Serena.

"Dan…" Jenny's voice was quiet.

"NO JENNY! I always have protected you. But you need to do it yourself this time. Because you messed up big time. As in, you might have just killed somebody today. And not just anybody, but Blair Waldorf. She's a bitch, and she's manipulative, and a control freak but she was a genuinely good person Jenny. She looked after you, even if you don't know that. She's best friends with Serena. She's friends with Nate. She's in love with Chuck. We don't know why but she is. She's smart and she helps when she cans. She's insecure and it makes her do stupid stuff, but she's just human. How much can everybody expect of her? And then you drag her name in the dirt. She gave you so many opportunities Jenny, more than anybody else would have, and I guarantee that. And you were such a coldhearted bitch, Jen. You're ten times worse because you know better. Because she does it out of protection and you did it for popularity. You might've just killed her," Dan finally finished. Everybody was shocked.

"Should I be worried that you're up for her heart too," Nate broke the tension. Serena giggled. Chuck smirked. Jenny was still gaping.

"No, she's not my type," he snuggled into Serena's hair.

"Good, because I still owe you a black eye," Chuck smirked. Dan laughed with him.

"Jenny, I think you should go," Nate whispered into her ear. She rushed out, she needed Eric.

"Who's here for Blair Waldorf?" a doctor asked. The group was by his side in seconds.

"We are," Chuck spoke with authority.

"She's going to be okay." smiles graced each face, "But she can only talk to one at a time." The boys looked at each other and nudged Serena forward. She quickly followed him. Blair looked fragile in the hospital gown, against the starch white of the hospital. Serena pounced onto the side of Blair's bed, engulfing her in a hug.

"Don't EVER pull a stunt like that again!" Serena admonished. Blair smiled.

"I'm sorry. It was stupid, it's just… Chuck." Blair's eyes filled to the brim with tears.

"He's here. With Nate. They made up. Nate thinks you guys should be together." Serena soothed her. Blair smiled, "But you can talk with them in a bit. I only get a little bit of time. And I have some things to say. I'm sorry. I'm seriously sorry. About everything last year. About not being here for you, when you really needed me. I'll ALWAYS weather anything with you, okay? No matter what. Because you'd do the same for me. And you're my Blair and I need you and I'd do anything for you." both girls were now crying, happy tears.

"I'm sorry too," Blair choked out.

"Blair Waldorf, apologizing? Let me get out the video camera! Gossip girl would love this!" Serena teased. Blair laughed and playfully smacked her.

"Seriously. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have loomed the whole you and Nate thing over your head. It's over and I've forgiven you. And I'll try to be there for you more. You're my best friend. Forever. You're never going to get rid of me," Blair giggled mischievously.

"Promise?" Serena asked, serious again.

"Promise," Blair and Serena hugged until the nurse made Serena get out. Next Dan shuffled in.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hi," Blair said awkwardly.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"For judging you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. You're a good person, Blair. Despite what you'd like people to think."

"Thanks Cabbage Patch."

"Welcome."

"Serena really likes you. And I love Serena. So I think we should be friends."

"I think that'd be a good idea."

"I'm full of them."

"I bet."

"Just wait and see."

"Let the dramatics begin," Dan and Blair shared a understanding glance. They got each other a little bit more. He left. Nate replaced him.

"I'm so sorry Nate, about not telling you. About doing it so soon after out break up. I'm sorry for hurting you," Blair rushed.

"It's okay, I get it. You didn't even cheat. And I'm still upset. But I'll get over it. We're not meant to be Blair. You and Chuck have always had something you and I could never even dream of. And I do love you Blair, just like you love me. But you and Chuck are in love with each other. And I love you two the most in the whole world. I want you guys to be happy. I get it now," Nate hastily explained, wanting to get it over with.

"Thank you." Blair was grateful.

"Your welcome."

"Friends?"

"Forever." They both smiled. He hugged her. And she returned it. Just like she would with Serena. He left. And now one was left. Chuck.

"Couldn't live without me? So I'm that good?" Chuck couldn't help but try to make this a little less serious.

"Yes, Bass. You're good enough in bed for me to kill myself. Not even I, the new town whore, am that pathetic," Blair snapped back.

"No joking about killing yourself. It was awful Blair. I've never been so petrified in my whole entire life. I hated it. You're going to a psychologist Blair. And that's final." Chuck stated. There would be no arguing with him here, "And I got your note. My butterflies are still flying."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"So…"

"I want you to be mine, and only mine. I want to take you for cheesy dates that cost too much money and have way too much idle chatter. And being us, witty banter. I want to hold your hand in public and be able to threaten anybody who looks at you in a way I deem inappropriate. I want to twirl you around. I want to hug and kiss you in front of everybody. I want to pick you up and spin you around while everybody else looks jealously on. I want to go through gossip hags vicious attacks and cycles just so at the end of the day, I can look at you and know she's all wrong. I want you Blair. And only you. And all to myself."

"I want that too."

"Good. Let's start now." And Chuck crawled into the hospital bed. And they fell asleep in each other's arms. A peek into their future. Every night until death do them part, which would be decades away, they would fall asleep in each other's arms. Truly happy.


End file.
